Global Warming or Global Boring ...

Is this world truly that boring -- so boring that we must invent doomsday scenarios to alter people's habits and get them concerned about something? I remember my impressionable days as a young 4th-grader taking part in the Earth Day activities trying to clean up the environment and yada, yada, yada. Too bad nobody told me then that the environment has enough protection and that global warming is just another scare-tactic.

Yesterday's Wisconsin State "Urinal" has a nice community op-ed about global warming aptly titled, "Warming Warning". Thank goodness they were there to give me that warning, I don't know if I would have ever known what this "warming" thing is had it not been for them. Moving on, the question our beloved (in "planet Madison") Wisconsin State "Urinal" asks is, "What can we do about global warming?"

GREAT QUESTION!? I thought nobody would ever ask, but now that they have, here is my advice: NOTHING! That's right, to all the "Gulfstream environmentalists" and the ELFs (Earth Liberation Front, eco-terrorists) and especially the "Hollywood blowhards" (as Bernard Goldberg calls them in his new book), there is no such thing as global warming. Oh it's nice that you cute little celebrities have your cute little cause to fight for, at least it keeps you occupied and out of trouble. But please, leave the argument to people who a) are in college, or b) have graduated college. I wouldn't want you dropouts to strain a muscle trying to remember your script from the Stop Global Warming gang.

Just in case it hasn't been repeated to you ad naseum already, here's a nice succinct background of global warming from the "Urinal" article:

The Earth's surface temperature has risen by about 1 degree Fahrenheit in the past century, says the National Academy of Sciences. Warming has increased in the past two decades. Scientists say emissions from cars, industrial plants and common household appliances have altered the chemical composition of the atmosphere through the buildup of greenhouse gases - primarily carbon dioxide, methane, and nitrous oxide.

Here's a stunner: it is ALL true. But don't worry, that is where they get you. See, here's the thing. Indeed, the surface temperature has risen by about 1 degree Fahrenheit in the past century. What they don't tell you is that for around thirty-five years in the middle of that span, the earth cooled, just as it did before 1900. Just in case you haven't heard of it, global cooling is "a theory positing an overall cooling of the Earth and perhaps the commencement of glaciation or even an ice age." And then there's the theory that composed the plot of the colossal cinematic failure, The Day After Tomorrow.

Why, you may wonder, are there so many contradicting theories that become incorporated into the more popular theory? Well, as long as they leave their theories vague and generalized, the global warming crowd can say just about anything they want to without lying, while still getting their point across. If the world starts cooling again, they can just say that's because of global warming or they can revert to the global cooling theory and say the next ice age is upon us. If it keeps warming ... well you know what that means.

The truth remains that the biggest attempt to fight global warming, the Kyoto Protocol, is and always has been a triumphant piece of crap. In order to successfully curb the "trend" of global warming, scientists have said that greenhouse gas emissions must be cut by 40%. The Kyoto countries, however, are only being mandated to cut these emissions around 8-10% and nearly all of them are missing their quotas.

As far back as 2003, studies started showing that the ozone layer was beginning to fix itself. Not surprisingly, the news has been completely avoided by major news sources. Further news, from over five years ago, suggests that the Antarctic ice caps are in fact expanding along the edges, the area that is supposed to be melting and raising the level of the ocean.

I could go on for quite some time explaining why in fact the world is not going to end in ten years (as the old pontificator Al Gore has noted recently), but instead I'll keep it short and sweet. The world's climate is in fact quite cyclical, experiencing trends of several decades of warming followed by cooling (rinse and repeat). A recent climate discovery known as Pacific Decadal Oscillation (PDO) has shown that there is a quasi-cyclic behavior in the Pacific Ocean that lasts around 50 to 70 years going from positive to negative and back and forth continuously (the PDO has been reconstructed all the way back to the 10th century A.D.)

So, there is no need to worry. I say, warm away ... I'm not a fan of this cold weather crap. Then again, we are due for a climate change soon, damn.

The Al Gore Doomsday Countdown (courtesy of El Rushbo)